A Question of Preference
by Rosemont1021
Summary: "Tell me Lupin," Snape's voice was low and dangerous, "why would I have overheard the words Snape and sex spoken together in a room full of my former students?"


Title: A Question of Preference

Author: Rosemont

Rating: PG

E-Mail: 

Category: Humor

Summary: "Tell me Lupin," Snape's voice was low and dangerous, "why would I have overheard the words 'Snape' and 'Sex' spoken together in a room full of my former students?"

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the corporation that is JK Rowling, but maybe I can have Snape when she's done. Dibs!!

A Question of Preference

Remus walked into the kitchen at 12 Grimmauld Place to find several of the younger Order members in an animated conversation. It was immediately obvious that there was a division of opinion between the boys and girls at the table.

"You can't be serious, Tonks!" Ron's face was screwed up in distaste. "That's disgusting." From the look on Harry's face he seemed to be in agreement.

Tonks broke into her infectious laugh and Remus found himself smiling without knowing the topic of conversation. He helped himself to some coffee on the stove and sat down in an empty chair.

"It's his hands," said Hermione. "I used to fantasize about those hands." She blushed and covered her giggle with a hand.

Ron looked at Hermione aghast and Harry was muttering, "No, no, no, no."

"For me it's his voice," said Ginny. "Gods, he's so sexy when he's threatening someone. And that's most the time," she added with a laugh.

Now Harry's hands had moved to cover his ears and his mantra had changed to, "Stop, stop, stop, stop." Ron was still gaping at Hermione.

"The way he moves," Tonks spoke over Harry's distressed muttering. Her eyes were glittering with mirth knowing how uncomfortable they were making the boys. "He's so graceful and controlled. Have you ever seen him duel? It's like a dance."

The girls were now talking over each other, "Yes...Yes...The way he turns on his heel and his robes billow...The way he strides into a room, all angry and intense...He's got a nice bum too..."

The chattering stopped as all eyes turned to Hermione, who was blushing and giggling again. Harry's hands fell away from his ears and he could no longer pretend he wasn't listening. Ron was still sitting with his mouth open, but a strangled whimper emerged from his throat.

"Well," Hermione began shyly, "I have been spending quite a lot of time with him as his apprentice and he often dresses more casually than he does for his classes. His trousers do fit nicely, and...well...it's quite distracting."

All the girls burst out laughing. The noise must have startled Ron because he fell from his chair. To this point Remus had been largely unacknowledged by his young colleagues but Harry's eye's turned to him. "Remus, help," he whimpered.

Remus was grinning broadly, as he had a pretty good idea of whom they were talking, and he was highly amused. "Let me guess, you're speaking of a certain Potions Master that we know? What, pray tell, got you on this dubious topic?"

"Tonks," Ginny volunteered. "Snape was in here a moment ago and Tonks said he was sexy."

"To his face?" Remus asked, surprised.

"Gods no, Remus," exclaimed Tonks. "It was after he left."

Ron was crawling back onto his chair. "I can't...I mean...you think he has a nice..."

"Honestly, Ron." Hermione sounded exasperated. "Parvati, Lavender and I used to gossip about him all the time in our dorm. All the girls thought he was dead sexy. You know, in that dark, mysterious, brooding kind of way."

"Yeah," Ginny laughed.

"You know," Hermione said conspiratorially, "Lavender once said she thought . . . well that maybe he didn't prefer women."

"Really?" Ron was obviously more comfortable with this vein of conversation. "I could see that."

"Whatever, Ron." Ginny rolled her eyes at Hermione.

"No, really. I mean He's never had a girlfriend since we've known him, has he? Doesn't really have the look of a man who gets shagged to often either, does he?" This last part he directed at Remus and Harry. Only Harry laughed appreciatively, Lupin was momentarily distracted as a figure began to darken the kitchen entry. Oh this could get fun.

"And just what do you think you know about Severus' sex life, Ron?" Remus asked with mock seriousness. He noticed the figure approaching the entry slow to a stop.

"Er, nothing, I mean, er...Merlin! Could we please change the subject?" Ron sounded desperate.

"That would be a very good idea, Weasley," a dark and silky voice drawled from the doorway. None of the young people had noticed Severus Snape when he began to enter the kitchen. Remus smiled at Severus as every head in the room snapped around with audible gasps. Oh this was brilliant! Lupin loved trying to goad Snape.

"Tell me Remus," Snape's voice was low and dangerous, "why would I have overheard the words 'Snape' and 'sex' spoken together in a room full of my former students?" He was glaring at Lupin who continued to grin at him.

"Well, Severus, it seems that some of you former students find you..."

"Remus!" Hermione interjected in a low hiss. "Please, I have to work with the man."

Snape narrowed his eyes at his apprentice, "Miss Granger?"

"Er, nothing sir."

"Yes, perhaps it is best if I don't know what you were discussing. However, I must insist that you refrain from discussing _me_ without my presence in the future!" Severus snapped the last part out with some venom. Hermione looked mortified.

"All I said was that I thought you were sexy," said Tonks who was smiling sweetly. Groans broke out over the table and she began to chuckle. Remus sat back to enjoy the show.

Snape had turned his glare to Tonks and it was a testament of her good humor that she didn't flinch. However, her chuckle faded in to an uncomfortable cough. Never one to leave an awkward situation without making it worse, Tonks spoke up again. "Well the man has a right to know he's sexy, doesn't he? According to Hermione all the girls at Hogwarts think so."

"Bloody Hell!" Hermione gasped as she buried her face in her arms on the table.

Snape's face was getting darker and darker, but either Tonks took no notice or she was in her element tormenting everyone. Remus suspected the latter. He loved that girl!

Snape's obsidian eyes were once again trying to burn a hole in Lupin's own. "I suppose you're enjoying this, Remus?"

"Yes, very much so," Remus' grin was rather wolfish.

"Well do go on then, Miss Tonks," Snape said sarcastically, "we wouldn't want to deprive Lupin of his entertainment."

"Oh Gods, Tonks, please" Hermione's muffled voice was pleading as it emerged from where her face was still pressed into her arms. The rest of the table seemed frozen in place, afraid to move lest they be noticed by the feared professor.

Tonks went on matter of factly, "We were listing your attributes, would you care to hear?" She was definitely in her element.

"Oh yes, Severus, you must hear this," Remus said with no small amount of glee. The look Snape directed at Lupin should have killed him on the spot. Remus merely continued to smile at him.

"You have a very sexy voice, Professor. You should have care of its effect on the young women in your lessons." Tonks said this with a seriousness belied by her unsuppressed mirth.

Snape raised and eyebrow as he slowly turned his death glare from Lupin back to her. "Really?" Snape drawled demonstrating said sexy voice.

"Hmmm, and your hands have been know to induce fantasies."

The corner of Snape's mouth gave a twitch as if he was forcing himself not to smile, or it could signify the onset of a fit. Unfortunately, either way, this only encouraged Tonks to continue.

"And apparently you have a fine ar...er..._ physique_ somewhere under those billowing black robes." A flash of shock showed momentarily on Snape's features before he turned to glare at Remus who had let out a loud guffaw.

"Anything else, _Nymphadora_?" The grit of Snape's teeth and tone of his voice should have been enough to shut Tonks up, but apparently she was on a role.

"Why yes, _Severus_, She stressed his given name with a little less humor than before. It was well known that Tonks did not appreciate her own given name. "There was a question of...preference." Ginny gasped and Hermione's head shot up out of her arms. Tonks was out for blood now.

Snape's eyes narrowed, "Whatever do you mean, Tonks?" He said it with such poison that surely it was meant it not to be answered.

Tonks grinned maliciously. She _really_ didn't like the use of her first name. Snape glanced at Remus who had let his grin start to slide off his face. The look he gave Severus was a bit apologetic. He certainly hadn't expected the conversation to take this turn.

"You see," Tonks began, "I guess that Lavender..." Tonks turned to the girl next to her. "Is that right Hermione? Lavender?" Hermione just shook her head in resignation. "Well I guess she thought that maybe you didn't prefer women." She gave Snape a saccharine smile. "Ron was quite keen on this theory."

Ron didn't bother to catch his head in his arms as Hermione had done and there was an audible thunk as his forehead hit the table-top in front of him. Now Lupin didn't quite think it fair that Tonks was involving her mates in this little game with Snape. When he glanced up at Snape again he was shocked at his expression. He was smirking . . . no, smiling. Now his shoulders were trembling and he was in a full rolling laugh! They all stared at him agape.

Severus began to wipe tears from his eyes as his laughter subsided. "Well that's interesting. I've never known Miss Brown to be that astute before. No doubt her 'Inner Eye' gave her some insight."

Remus was the first to snap his mouth shut as he glanced around the table to see if that last bit had sunk in. When Remus looked up again Severus was regarding him with a very Slytherin smirk. Oh dear. Tonks was clearly taken aback by Snape's, albeit veiled, admission and was thankfully speechless. Harry, who had been quite silent during most of this exchange, was glancing between Lupin and Snape with a very discerning look.

"Well, Remus. I guess we can't quite blame the children for their topic of conversation this morning." Snape was trying to be casual as he helped himself to a cup of coffee and then leaned his long form against the counter facing the group. "You see, when a man has been well and thoroughly shagged he exudes a sort of sexual aura for many hours after. I'm sure that these young susceptible minds must have been subconsciously affected when I was in here earlier."

Snape crossed his long legs as he took a slow sip of his coffee, never taking his eyes off Lupin. That self satisfied smirk playing around the corners of his lips. Lupin swallowed hard, and his eyes shot around the room. How did this turn on him so quickly? Damn the man, he'd never been able to out wit him!

Ron let out a nervous giggle that ended in an unflattering squeak as he fell from his chair again. Harry was still glancing between Snape and Lupin with dawning suspicion. Remus had to get control of the situation again.

"Well and thoroughly, Severus? How lucky for you." Lupin wished his voice had been a bit steadier. Surely the man wouldn't take this any further.

"Yes it was." His voice was like dark molasses and his eyes bore into Lupin's with all the intensity of Severus Snape, but without the malice. Then that slow Slytherin smile made its reappearance and Lupin barely suppressed a groan. "My lover tends to get a bit frisky when the moo...Well, at certain times of the month."

Lupin closed his eyes and sighed in defeat. Harry had begun to laugh quietly and Severus actually smiled in his direction. Then he snapped into his stern and purposeful demeanor again as he put his cup in the sink. He turned to Hermione, "Miss Granger, please be in my office in one half hour. We shall begin brewing the Wolfsbane Potion today. Do not be late." He then glanced down, "Oh, do get up Weasley!"

Snape glided from the room and disappeared down the hall as everyone watched him retreat. "Quit looking at his arse, Hermione, he's mine," Remus couldn't help himself. Hermione jumped in her seat and Harry began laughing so hard that he joined Ron on the floor.


End file.
